Er kvinder gode til at bede om ting de ikke selv giver, fordi de enten tror at mænd ikke har samme behov for kurtisering og initiativtagen eller fordi de ikke tænker over det? Er forfatteren til nedenstående bare whiny og skal tage sig sammen? Er der forskel på hvor stort et behov kønnene har eller burde have til at blive charmeret og chattet up?
Hvad siger debatten?
PS: Tråden på reddit drejer sig om forhold med faste samliv men alle indspark er velkomne. Lad os bare blive enige om fra start at alle er forskellige, så vi ikke har trådt nogen over fødderne, og der fra kan bevæge os ud i at snakke mere generelt.
I recently googled "men want to be desired" and I was amazed how little information there is. While women's need to be desired is widely discussed and tons of books and articles focus on that, there doesn't seem to be that much information on men.
It could be just me, but I think many men can relate to what I'm going to write here. Women and men are not that different:
- Men want to be desired. We want to see that, we want to feel your desire for us. We want to know that you want us, that you need us.
- We want to feel attractive and sexy. A woman says she dresses up for herself, man's attention is a consequence of a short skirt and high heels. That is the image of a sexy woman for most men. What is an image of a sexy man for you? Does he ever get any attention from you because he's dressed nicely?
- We want to hear compliments. Men are way more emotional and vulnerable than you think. Does he look hot in this suit? He'd be happy to hear that. Anyone would be happy to hear that, no matter what the gender is.
- Do not be afraid to point out man's sexuality. Don't be afraid to be dirty. Please, please forget about slut shaming. You cannot be a slut for finding your husband or your boyfriend hot. You cannot be a slut for letting him know that you are wet when you think of him doing something. You cannot be a slut for grabbing his dick when he doesn't expect it, he's your SO, in fact, I'm pretty sure he dreams of you doing that. He would touch your ass on any occasion because he finds you hot, why wouldn't you do the same? Touch him more often than what you think is "often".
- Please, please forget about gender roles and social norms when it comes to sex. A man not necessarily has to be on top. He not necessarily has to be dominant in bed. It's not his job to initiate sex, you can do it too. A man not necessarily has to be ready to please you anytime you decide it's more "maybe" than "no".
- Those of you who have been cheated on and divorced after years of what you though was a perfect marriage. Did you ever go into detail of what happened? Apart from him being a selfish douchebag and leaving you and kids all alone? What was it that the other woman did? Did she appreciate him? Did she made him feel wanted? Did she compliment him? Did she send him dirty texts, assuring him that she finds him attractive? Do not forget about your SO.
- Sexually unsatisfied man feels like an unsatisfied woman. Have you ever read at least one post by a sexually unsatisfied man where he expressed his feelings about a dead bedroom? He feels unattractive, unwanted. Have you ever felt this way? We are not that different.
- Men want to feel naughty and dirty. Have you ever received a dick-picture? It's somewhat the same when you bend over in a short skirt for him. Please, react nicely to that. If you were to bend over, do you want a disgusted face or a stupid joke? Women from pornography are always interested in men. We all believe that porn is mostly for men, is this a coincidence?
- Something interesting here. Do you know that cross-dressers are mostly heterosexual? If you go and read a little about them, you'd find out that so many of them dress up to feel sexy, attractive and desired. In this case, desired by themselves. They may look funny, but it works for them, that's the image of "sexy" they have. The urge to feel desired is inside men and for some of us, there is absolutely no escaping from it.
- Even more interesting. Have you ever heard that sometimes men imagine themselves being a woman when watching porn? It seems to be more common than you may think. Sometimes it leads to a man questioning his sexuality and making horrible mistakes. Most of the topics on that matter say the same thing: woman is the main character. She gets pleased. Men want to experience the amount of attention she gets. Some might watch transsexual porn because of this, they can relate to the main character more, simply because she has a penis. And no, this doesn't necessarily mean he's gay, he's just curious.
Please, treat your man like you want him to treat you. We have more emotions than a trashcan. We are not sex machines, we just want to be "that guy" that you can't stop thinking of.